Keanu Reeves is one of the most likable and genuine people in Hollywood. Whoopi Goldberg, meanwhile, was recently named the “most hated person” in Hollywood, a distinction that no one seems to dispute.
Reeves was selected by the TV production committee to present the career award this year, a role he would have accepted with honor… until he learned he would be sharing the stage with Whoopi Goldberg and presenting her with the award.
“He’s not a nice person,” Reeves said in a voice that almost sounded like Rufus outside the Circle K. “I don’t want to be seen as the guy who made that mistake.”
Justin Timberlake, Winona Ryder and Gloria Estefan have also canceled. They are still waiting for a response from Jackie and Kelso, who are desperate for something different to happen in their lives, but no one seems to be able to find them.
“We think these two are probably in a ditch somewhere after losing their social media following because of the worst apology video ever,” said Capt. Joe Barron of the 136th Marine Legal Detachment. “We’re going to start here in Los Angeles and go trench to trench until we find her.”
Others speculate that they may also be in something more superficial, like a ditch or even a puddle, but everyone agrees that they probably died of shame, along with their careers. Topher Grace was not available for comment, once again preserving his dignity.